Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Blog In A Blog? Yup. It's that good.

I was so moved by Crystal and Greg Adamson's blog that I wanted to share it. If you love Paul it is a "must read". Even has some great pics.

Crystal what you wrote was so thoughtful - yup. More tissue please. Box #34 this week. : )

Click here to go to Crystal and Greg's posts about Paul (2 entries July 21st and July 19th))


Where He Is Not

“I go east, but He is not there.
I go west, but I cannot find Him.
I do not see Him in the north,
for He is hidden. I turn to the south,
but I cannot find Him.

But He knows where I am going”
(Job 23:8-10 NLT).

I keep looking for Paul. Expecting to get a phone call or see him shuffle down the hall - habit. Expect to look up and see him tapping the ivories or catch him hard at work refinishing the old piano in our garage. The growing emptiness is deafening.

So yesterday I went to where he last was. I went to the cemetery. Gasping I stared at the yellowing strips of grass that had been carefully replaced over the grave - and a handwritten temporary marker "Paul Berg". The reality hit me hard in the chest and knocked the wind out of me til I landed sobbing on my knees. The brutal reality: Paul as I knew him is not here. He is with Jesus. He will not be coming back.

I could not fix his pain. I had tried with every ounce of research, doting, hovering, caregiving, humor, and prayer. What a terrible terrible reality. I'm trusting that God was able to set him free. And Paul who was always a risk-taker, always an adventure seeker, always pursuing life . . . Paul knows where I am going someday too. May the walk of my future be inspired by the courage I learned from him.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

A Note From Paul

(this was taken from Paul's blog on Monday, May 12, 2008 after learning that cancer was again creating tumors in his body)

What Now?
The Bible says to petition the Lord in everything... to make our requests known. God also said we need to bring our requests boldly to the throne. My prayer is for life. Complete healing. A miracle. What is yours? I pray always and glorify God in all I do. He is the healer. He can do anything. He is not uncapable of a miraculous healing. With a word He created the heavens and the earth. I put my faith in Him, the Creator and the Healer.Pray with me starting now. Hide in your closets and pray. Pray with a loud voice. Pray with a whisper in your heart. Pray in a song. God knows your heart and the Holy Spirit intercedes where there are no words. Cry out loud and bring your requests to the Lord. I am.


Saturday, July 25, 2009

Broke Down

Laying in my bed sobbing I remembered a scripture Psalm 147:3 "He (God)heals the brokenhearted". That word "broken" seems to fit the very essence of my heart right now, my life, my family, my future. Other words - crushed, shattered, destroyed . . . it is a sense of being lost like no other I've felt.

Nothing could have prepared me for the pain I felt holding Paul in the hours and minutes as he slipped away. In all my desperation I knew I had to let him go to God. To this point we had fought hard - so counter intuitive to pray for release from his mortal body and pain.

Sobbing, thinking on that verse, I had to laugh out loud at the echo of Paul's voice saying, "Hey how long you gonna be broke down?". Years passed as he worked delivering trusses in the construction industry that was a common question. When the long trailers would get stuck in the mud, or when trusses would need to be re-secured along the way, or when a tire would go flat . . . the boss man would ask, "Paul, how long you gonna be broke down? How long til your rig is up and running?"

I can almost hear Paul lovingly asking me . . . "Honey, how long you gonna be broke down?" With my hope and faith in a God that heals the brokenhearted, and memories of a man who laughed in the face of cancer, I will look to the heavens with peace. God will help me heal. I'm brokenhearted but not broke down forever.

Paul Berg - Paper Houses

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Paul Berg Funeral

Paul Berg passed away peacefully in his sleep on July 21, 2009. His final days were filled passionately surrounded by his friends and family. Paul was a gifted musician and songwriter. He loved auto racing and cars - especially his 65 Cobra. He was an Eagle Scout, professional water-skier, and accomplished jazz pianist. Paul has enjoyed charity work with the Heart 2 Home Foundation since 2004. Paul is the devoted husband of Tiffany Berg and loving father to Kaylan, Ben, Hayley, Hannah and Landon. Services will be held Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at The Adventure Church, 352 W. 12300 S., Draper, Utah. Viewing 1:00 PM Funeral 3:00 PM. Interment held at Lehi City Cemetery.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Sweet Surrender

More often than not life presents us with circumstances which are less than ideal. Sometimes we are handed heartache, pain, loss and disappointment - in ways which torment us - and in ways that feel could break us completely.

We want to kick and scream and escape . . . and yet, after the yelling, the fighting, the denial, the anger, we find ourselves weeping as a child . . . and all we truly need at that time is for God's arms to hold us.

That sweet surrender is a sacred place. To come to the throne of God as a child - quiet, meek, willing to be submissive, willing to lay everything down . . . that is peace.

"God, no matter the pain, I am willing to lay it all down because I trust that you will make it good." When you walk with God and trust Him, it is all good.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Friends and Family -

Paul has had a rough week. About ten days ago he began fainting and having seizures. His speaking has become strained and his breathing very difficult - especially at night. Wednesday new scans were taken. Saturday we took him to the hospital as his breathing had become very constricted. A specialist was brought in to meet with Paul and I in the respiratory ICU. We anticipated they would need to surgically place a trach tube - something we had discussed previously with doctors and knew would be needed at some point.

Having not received the results yet from the scans that were taken earlier in the week we were not aware of the progression of the cancer after chemo treatments. We only knew we were seeing new problems surface.

Sadly, new tumors have grown - resistant to the chemo. They are now affecting Paul's vocal cords, airway in throat and creating the seizure activity in his brain. The specialist shared with us that if Paul chose to do the trach surgery it would be problematic at this stage; he would be in the ICU perhaps indefinately with no promise of speaking again as his voice box is quickly being lost to the cancer. In addition the seizures would continue - and with other ramifications. We were told the natural process of the cancer would only give Paul a matter of days.

The doctors believe his breathing will become more and more restricted, he will become more and more tired, and will quietly meet his Savior in his sleep.

With family surrounding us in the ICU on Saturday night, Paul chose to come home to spend his last days peaceful and able to visit. We are so very very sad.

We thank God for the promise of eternity in a place with no more pain. There are no words to express our loss and what we are trying to process as a family. Please pray with us that this is a loving, tender process.