Thursday, November 6, 2008

Driving In Reverse

Recently I found myself looking through our family photo albums. A picture caught my attention - one of the kids and I in a waterfight a year and a half ago. It took my breath away. That day was magical - and I knew it even then. We were totally consumed in enjoyment of each other, our silly family bond and the thrill of being doused with the chilly water from the hose. It was pure delight - spontaneous, silly, and exciting. We could never have imagined on that day the challenges that would barrage our family in the following 18 months. And would we have wanted to know? I don't think so.

Each morning I wake up and spend my first hour in front of the fireplace with my hot coffee and my Bible - asking God to give me the faith and courage that our current circumstances demand - husband addressing cancer issues, financial concerns, teens growing into adulthood . . . I ask for the wisdom to walk the walk. That hour is essential to my day. When I miss it, I lose my
courage, my vision and my perspective.

"Faith means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse." - Philip Yancey

Had we known as a family on that day in March what was coming in the next 18 months perhaps we would have stayed inside frightened, sad, and grieving for our upcoming losses. Had we known about those losses, we may have stayed inside and packed boxes, done the "right" things - the "serious" things, put our house in order and said goodbyes. I'm glad we didn't know honestly - because we did the perfect thing that day. We played and laughed and dreamt in faith - in joy - and it was absolutely the right thing. It was perfect.

Last night I drove past the most horrific car accident I have ever personally witnessed. The wreckage made me physically feel like I was going to throw up. I knew the people in the cars could not have survived. My prayer at that moment was that they had lived perfect days too. That they had lived with their hearts open in faith - Live your life believing - and choosing - and "faithing" - and trust that God will make sense of it in reverse. Promise.