Sunday, March 1, 2009

Just What I Needed

Right about now I feel like we're just getting by. There is enough, but just enough. There isn't a surplus of anything but we have food, we have shelter, and we have our kids. It's good. Except when it doesn't feel fair. Then it gets rough.

I see the black Escalade passing me on the freeway, I flip through the decorating magazine at the doctor's office, and I see the "For Sale" sign on the dream house I don't own . . . and a pain seizes me and brings me to tears. Having been fed the whole notion from childhood that "The American Dream" looks like prosperity and STUFF . . . well . . . right now I don't own any of that stuff and it gets to me. I'm not a materialistic person but there is an aching for things we owned before the cancer came . . . and it hurts.

Reading in the Bible a story jumps off the pages. The children of Israel were tired of manna from heaven - they were tired of the same old, same old. They missed the meat back in Egypt. Even though they were slaves back then, they did have meat. So they grumbled and complained to high heaven . . . literally. So God sent quail. Lots of quail. And the ones that ate the quail instead of the manna died.

They named the place of the quail "The Valley of Craving" for it was their craving for more that ended in destruction.

I see the shiny black Escalade pass me on the freeway and I thank God that I have a vehicle that holds my beautiful family. I flip through the pages of the decor magazine and thank God that I have a strong roof over my head. And I see the sign on the dream home for sale and I pray, "God - one day I pray to be in YOUR home - your mansion - and I pray that I will be ready. Take away my obsession for more. Give me a gratitude and a satisfaction for what is right and good. And let me see the truth about my appetites and my motivation. "

Enough IS enough. I am alive and sustained with enough. I trust God has given me just what I've needed.