Saturday, May 24, 2008

So Fake It's Ridiculous

Yesterday I arrived at the Covey Arts Center in Provo, Utah for a day of rehearsals and preparation for last night's Mrs. Utah 2008 Pageant.

When I arrived, to my shock I saw my face - larger than life in the window - wow. It was a bit intimidating. I don't look like that up close in real life. After spending much of the last 2 weeks at the hospital - pulling my hair into a pony tail with layers and layers of old makeup - the image in the window made me laugh. It was so fake it was ridiculous!

I don't really look like that. OK, some moments, on a good day, with the handywork of photoshop - I CAN look like that. But for the most part - that's just digital magic for the crowd.

As the night went on, it wasn't only the photo on the billboard that seemed out of context - it was everything. The glitze and the glamour was a stark contrast to the feeding tubes and sterile hospital smell I've become accustomed to lately. The dancing, the lights, the crown - all of it was just so out of context for what's been going on.

And there was my husband - in a handsome black suit that hid the 25+ staples still in his neck, minus the eye patch, and a black sock hiding his bandaged foot and leg. Sitting there with his crutches under the seats, it was very deceiving - people probably had no idea what this man has gone through over the last 14 days.

So it is, for good or for bad - that to some degree we are all able to hide or step away (even if for a moment) from the inner struggles, the day-to-day weaknesses, and the personal crisis that are really going on presently. In good ways and in bad ways we can show a side to the world that is who we wish we were and who we are aspiring to be -

And in that moment we get to do 2 things. #1 - We get to honestly take inventory of who and where we are AND #2 - We get to decide to uplevel and meet that reality (or not, staying how we are). Personally, I like what I saw on the window and I want to work harder to be her. And, I'm excited that my husband felt so compelled and determined within himself to get dressed up even given the difficulty in doing so. It was a labor of love that he did for me to show his commitment to me. He is taking inventory and fighting with all he's got to uplevel passed his current physical issues. Every day that he owns his life in spite of his health crisis, he OWNS his life.

Fake? Mmmmm. Maybe that's not the right word. "Aspired" would be a better word. We're both aspiring to better, positive things. Even if it's just a pretty picture. It's a great direction.