I've been reading a book by Max Lucado called "Traveling Light". It is based on the 23rd Psalm and is about letting go of burdens - and giving them over to God. Perfect reading for me right now.
Parallel to what I'm feeling emotionally and spiritually is the reality that our lease is up in 2 months - and given Paul's health situation I feel compelled to prepare myself and my family for a move. I've been going through every item we own and asking myself - "Is this something essential - or is this something that should be thrown out?"
Emotionally, spiritually and physically I am taking inventory of all I have and all I am. What is going to be needed in the future?
It is a 2-step process really. Once I decide what I am keeping, I also decide how to organize it. A big part of this job has been reboxing all of our family items, photos, memory items, and Christmas items.
I've felt compelled to buy smaller storage bins - feeling impressed that every storage item MUST be in a box manageable enough for me to physically move myself. I want to be independent and ready enough to not impose or require the physical strength of my husband or others to relocate.
This whole process has been going well - with religious zeal I've been implementing Martha Stewart's very own simple home solutions - even checking out books from the library on how to expedite the procedure.
Until, to my despair, on Saturday I came across certain Christmas items that were too large for my new coordinating small bins.
Aggravated I moved the bulky items to the side - mumbling to myself - if they don't fit in the small bins - then, out with them. The stack of large Christmas items grew - as did my anxiety. This completely wrecked my plans - these items would need a large bin - too big for me to carry on my own. UGH. The large bins now irritated me - and they didn't match. I was unnerved. This was wrecking my master plan. Oh how that thought epitomized the frustration in my heart about my past year, my husband's health, and moving again.
For some reason the visual hit home and brought me to my knees sobbing. God seemed to speak, "Tiffany, there will always be things in your life too big for you to carry on your own. I've planned it that way. You are not meant to carry everything or control everything. The bigger the burden or struggle, the more help you will need to put in place to carry it. There will always be things that will require you to depend on other people - and on Me."
This morning I'm back to reboxing. I glanced in on the items I organized over the weekend - and a smile came across my face. There they were - several nice small clear storage bins - and one scuffed up, oversized, heavy green bin of Christmas decorations. (sigh) I will always need help with that one. It is too big for me to carry by myself.
How ironic. It is a Christmas box. God has a way of reminding me - Jesus came to this earth to carry my biggest, most heavy, daunting burdens. It was never the plan for me to carry certain burdens on my own. It is the bad news and the Good News. I will always need help.